Bits and Pieces from the Nether Regions

O.K., so sitting around for long periods of time while waiting for your child to be born and nursing your other one back to health can lead you to places that probably shouldn't be visited. I refer of course to the gossip sections of various websites, feeding society's ravenous hunger for all things "celebrity".

On this particular journey, I was brought up to speed on the riveting topic of the fruit of the union of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. While their child is a most welcome addition to the world, the handle granted them by whatever hack writer was assigned to the story is NOT. In an embarrassing display of lack-of-creativity-itis, the story endowed the happy couple with the title "Brangelina", in the style of the more deserving "Bennifer" (more on that in a bit).

Firstly, Brangelina is not a cute couple nickname, it is a twisted mutation of a banjo, a mandolin, and a concertina. This brings to mind images of dwarf gypsies locked in a musical duel for the fate of the soul of some poor wayward traveler, not warm fuzzies for the over-priviledged.

Secondly, the blending of names might possibly work with a couple where one of the two is of slightly (or signifigantly) lesser stature than the other (Kittany, anyone?). In the not-so distant past where women were largely the quiet stay-at-home wife types, they were often referred to as Mrs. John Doe, etc., losing their own identity and being assimilatd into the couple's. But in the case of Brad and Angelina, where both seem to have a fairly equal amount of fame-or notoriety, if you prefer-it makes no sense to have one absorb the other. All this in addition to the fact that this archaic valuation of people is crap best relegated to the dungheap of history.

Which brings me right back to Bennifer. Just what the hell did Ben Affleck do, exactly? Oh yeah...he happened to help write a pretty decent movie that was directed by a talented director, and it happened to win one of those little gilded men. So, why wasn't he dubbed "Men"...or "Batt"? Rampent sexism, if you ask me. Bear in mind, this was in a pre-Brokeback Mountain era...

I was also brought current on the state of affairs in the marriage of Brittany and Kevin. It seems that K-Fed is feeding inside info to his peeps for them to sell to the tabloids-never forget where you come from, Kev. Keep it real! This has caused Britt to withhold vital info from her hubby. For example, it appears that he learned of her pregnancy with #2 at the same time as the rest of the late-night viewing audience of America when she announced it on Letterman. This desire to help his homies out with some quick tabloid cash, along with other questionable actions, has led one Spears confidant to impart that, "the trust is gone." Hmmm...let's think about that one for a minute...trust. I know, let's call his ex in as a character witness!!! You know, the one with whom he had a child and she was preggers with his second when he dumped her for Britteny?

Well, I suppose that there are worse ways to pass ones time than tracking the comings and goings of our pop icons, and Kim can't stay pregnant forever...as Finn pointed out to her the other night, "Mom, you can't have a grownup in your belly."